Yes if like me the first time you heard the words coffee and enema strung together in a sentence your mind went foggy and legs began to wobble, then worry not as I believe you are in good company. Any body who has been fortunate enough to engage in conversation with me about this subject has nine times out of ten uttered the words "Coffee?? Enema?? You'll not catch me doing that in a million years!" Well my million years surely ran out as I enrolled on the detox programme for Metabolic Typing Level Two.
Having not had much chance to blog recently, I should let you know that at the time of writing I have carried out three or four of these (admittedly pleasant!) procedures. i am going to report on the first of these which can only be described as both 'the best and worst experience of my life'.
Why coffee enemas? During the first world war, warm water enemas were given to soldiers who were experiencing pain and illness from life in the trenches. One day, a nurse - obviously hyper and wired from drinking too much of the stuff - decided to add coffee to the enemas since if it made her feel better, why wouldn't it benefit the soldiers? So World War One soldiers were administered coffee enemas for the first time - and soldiers reported that their 'ablutions were doing some good and that their pain was much relieved'. So how does it work?
Introducing a quart of boiled coffee in to the colon gives the following benefits:
It dilutes portal blood and subsequently bile in the liver and gall baldder
It dilates blood vessels and counters inflammation in the gut
Coffee enhances GST which is responsible for the removal of many toxins
The visceral nervous system is stimulated by the coffee promoting peristasis and improving digestive function
Since coffee is retained for up to fifteen minutes, and all the blood in the body passes through the liver every three minutes, coffee enemas represent a from of dialysis of blood across the gut wall
Basically, a coffee enema does what a colonic does but without the removal of vital electrolytes which means they can be done as often as you like. I t rids you of all toxins and stimulates the liver via the introduction of magnesium into the system from the coffee.
However, whilst I don’t expect you to all ring me asking how to do it and when can I start, let it be known that clients and myself who have had a go have noticed an incredible turn around in the way they feel and it certainly detoxifies in a way no skin brush can or a Carol Vorderman shake!
So, my first time… as I said earlier it’s not exactly my ideal way to spend a morning, but my first shot at it took me two hours, thankfully I’ve got it down to 25 minutes now. I also described it as a pleasant experience which I have to say once the first one is out of the way, it certainly is that. You know I always say to take ten minutes out of your day to read, relax or meditate… for many of you this would be the best chance you’d get. Fifteen minutes of pure relaxation albeit with a tube up your bum, but once you’ve got over that mental barrier, it’s a doddle.
Boil the coffee, wait until it’s blood warm, lube the tube and insert, release coffee clamp and watch it flow… or so I thought. Here I made my classic error – I had forgotten to sieve it and the granules got blocked up in the top of the tube. All the shaking and will in the world wouldn’t correct it so I had to undo it and start again, hence taking me two hours. I’ll not forget to do that again! Second time around was much more straight forward… so… boil the coffee, wait until it’s blood warm, lube the tube and insert, release coffee clamp and watch it flow…
Success, once you feel it entering on the left hand side, roll over onto your right and lay there for five minutes intermittently overcoming the unusual desire to pass wind with a backside full of tube and liquid! Stomach bellows seem to do the trick. Five minutes, on my back, another five minutes on my side and I’ve done it. Not so bad after all… right, tube out, get on the loo and BOOOM: mental note never to stray too far from a loo when doing this. Success… a quick dry skin rub and jump in the shower.
Two minutes later I was literally whooping with joy and delight. Not my usual antics, I felt really high and amazing, it had to be the effects of the coffee. I can safely say that I have felt this every time and other people on the course have reported it too. It’s worth doing it for that!! Three hours later though on day one I got hit with what can only be described as a come down! I felt awful, jittery, hungry, wired and definitely tired. I couldn’t concentrate at all nor focus my mind on anything. The day was a write off. Fortunately this has never happened since and a similar pattern has emerged with the other guys on the course. I wonder if the fact that I haven’t had coffee in my system for over three years now combined with the fact that I have never had coffee in that part of my anatomy before was a factor in my amazing high-low sensation.
Anyway long term reports are good. Coffee enemas are here to stay and I look forward to some fantastic success with clients. And if I deliver the “how’s about a coffee enema line?”, remember to remain open minded and focus on the benefits rather than fear the procedure… particularly if you’re a bloke!
Next up: the cell cleanse
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